The Downside of Goal Focus

Since I was a child, probably due to the influence of growing up with an over-achieving father, I have been incredibly goal focused. I am one of those people who has constantly made long-term, medium-term and short-term goal lists and tried (notice I said tried) to chip away at accomplishing them. This process has not been entirely without benefit, but as I have lived more of my life I have realized such constant goal focus has its downside.

Part of the problem has been that I, and likely most people, set goals based on performance measurements and external rewards. Career advancement, more money, material possessions, academic accolades and so on. A bit of this is fine, but focusing exclusively on such goals tends to exclude a much needed part of our lives – intrinsically motivated goals.

Intrinsically motivated goals are those objectives that have no ostensible payoff except happiness and personal satisfaction. I’ve come to realize how vital these are to my own sense of well being. Extremely vital.

I just finished reading Joe Robinson’s book Don’t Miss Your Life: Find More Joy and Fulfillment Now
and the primary theme of that book is that much of our joy and happiness comes from releasing ourselves from the performance mindset in which we are constantly measuring our success against external criteria. Instead we should be measuring our success primarily by our degree of happiness. Sounds so simple and logical, but so few of us do it.

Robinson contends that true happiness comes about as a result of honoring three specific needs in our lives: autonomy, competence and relatedness. Autonomy is feeling we are self-sufficient and that our lives are self-directed to the greatest extent possible. Competence means we feel knowledgeable and skilled in things that have personal relevance and importance in our lives. Relatedness is us feeling like we have relationships, supportive networks and a social life that engages us fully with others. These criteria for success and happiness have resonated with me deeply and perhaps they will for you too. This is how I now try to judge success in my life.

How do you judge your own personal success?